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Fortune Cookie Writer With Writer’s Block Quits, Unaware of Irony

Amazingly, this is not a headline from The Onion.

Donald Lau, the head fortune writer at Wonton Food, which claims to be the biggest fortune cookie maker in America, has called it quits after 30 years on the job. Why? He’s got writer’s block.

Lau admitted as much in a recent interview with Time:

I have writer’s block. I used to write 100 a year, but I’ve only written two or three a month over the past year.”

A new chief writer has been brought in and will be trained by Lau himself. It’s kind of like a .300 hitter who can no longer get on base being hired as the team’s hitting coach.

Hopefully, the new guy has got some good ideas: Wonton produces four-and-a-half-million fortune cookies a day, so he’s going to have to start writing like Tolstoy when he sat down to pen War and Peace.

Lau isn’t entirely leaving the fortune cookie business behind, though. He will remain the chief financial officer at Wonton, where his underlings can only hope his writer’s block doesn’t extend to making out their checks.

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